How to cope with suicide loss: 10 helpful tips if you are grieving

Losing a loved one to suicide is not only tragic, but also a very painful experience. It may leave you feeling sad, but that could also be accompanied by varied emotions such as guilt, shame and anger about not being able to help someone before they decided to give up on life. These can be emotionally devastating feeling, and may throw you into a spiral of thoughts around whether you could have done something to prevent your loved one from suicide. Seeking help from people you trust is one of the healthy ways to start healing from the grief. On World Suicide Prevention Day, observed on September 10, learn how to cope with suicide loss.

What is suicide?

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death, and is considered a global public health issue that deeply affects families, and communities. Over 720, 000 individuals die because of suicide every year, according to the World Health Organization. “People who die by suicide often experience extreme emotional pain, hopelessness, and feel that life has become unbearable,” says psychiatrist Dr Rahul Rai Kakkar. It is not just a reaction to a single thing or event, but is often the culmination of long-term emotional, psychological, or social struggles.

Why do loved ones feel guilty after losing someone to suicide?

Guilt is one of the common feelings experienced by people who lose a loved one to suicide, according to the American Psychological Association. “Survivors of suicide loss often experience guilt, questioning whether they could have done something to prevent the tragedy,” says Dr Kakkar. This guilt is usually fueled by thoughts like “I should have seen the signs”, “I should have been there more”, or “I didn’t do enough to help”.

Loved ones may feel a sense of responsibility for not noticing or acting on warning signs. The sudden, often unexpected nature of suicide can leave family and friends grappling with the belief that they could have somehow intervened. “Unfortunately, the truth is that while some warning signs may be present, it is often an internal battle that even those closest to the individual may not fully understand or be able to prevent suicide,” says the expert.

How to cope with suicide loss?

People who lose someone to suicide are at a higher risk of developing depression, post-traumatic stress disorder as well as suicidal behaviours, according to research published in the Dialogues In Clinical Neuroscience journal in 2012. So, choosing healthy coping strategies after suicide loss is important. Here are some tip to start healing after suicide loss:

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1. Allow yourself to grieve

“Grieving the loss of someone to suicide is different from other types of grief due to the feelings of guilt that may be accompanied by shame and anger,” says Dr Kakkar. Give yourself permission and time to feel a wide range of emotions. It is essential to understand that your grief is valid, no matter how overwhelming it may seem.

2. Lean on your support system

Grieving in isolation can make it harder to cope. So, friends and family are essential, especially during this time. Whether it is someone to listen to you or to offer practical help, let them know what you need from them.

3. Seek professional help

Going to a mental health expert and opting for therapy recommended by them can be helpful for those coping with suicide loss. A mental health professional can help you navigate the complicated emotions, trauma, and unresolved questions that often arise in the aftermath of suicide.

4. Connect with others

You don’t have to be alone in your grief. Joining a support group for survivors of suicide loss can help you connect with others who have been through similar experiences. Sharing stories and emotions with others who understand your pain can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

5. Acknowledge the complexity of suicide

It’s important to recognise that suicide is complex, and there may not be a clear answer or reason for why it happened. “Understanding this can help ease some of the guilt and anger you might be feeling,” says the expert.

6. Remember the person, not the suicide

While the act of suicide is tragic, it does not define the entirety of your loved one’s life. Focus on remembering the positive moments with them and the person they were rather than letting their death overshadow their memory.

7. Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself during this tough time. It is normal to experience a range of emotions from anger to sadness to guilt after suicide loss. Practice self-compassion, and avoid self-blame, as you are not responsible for your loved one’s decision to take their life.

8. Create a memorial or tribute

Honouring your loved one through a memorial or tribute can provide a sense of closure and a way to celebrate their life. This can be something as simple as planting a tree, creating a photo album, or organising an event in their memory.

9. Accept that healing takes time

“Healing from a suicide loss is a long process,” says the expert. It is important to be patient with yourself and not expect to “move on” quickly. As you heal, you will feel less pain, but it does not mean you will forget your loved one.

10. Engage in activities that foster healing

Get enough sleep and go for healthy meals regularly. Taking care of yourself can improve your mood and help you gain strength to cope after suicide loss, as per the American Psychological Association. You can also try creative outlets like painting or journaling to help you process emotions. “These creative activities can help in releasing your pent-up feelings,” says the expert.

People who lose someone they love to suicide can end up feeling a lot of emotions. The road to healing after suicide loss is long, but it is possible with time, support, and self-compassion.